I don’t know what to say.
At least in the sense that I don’t know the specific phrasing to use to put everything in perspective. When life feels like you’ve been hit with a concrete block, each piece of the gritty texture tearing into you and clearing away the old rough parts leaving things new and raw under the surface exposed to the cold air, exhilarating, worrisome, and familiar all at the same time. Yet at the same time nothing feels the same this time around. I’ve made mistakes all of my life and I seem to live for the little lulls in between the feelings of anxiety caused by my mistakes. If there’s one thing to be said about messing up, it’s that when things go right they feel amazing and to relish such a feeling of things going your way is almost like feeling a cool breeze on a hot day.
Speaking of old mistakes one my most common ones is re-opening old wounds so that they never heal. I’ve done so over the last day or two talking to a former similarly employed person, I hesitate to use the term co-worker as the mutual fact is known that we’re immiscible in any capacity. In a brief conversation that can only be described as abusive, I found myself wondering, ‘Just who is the bigger man, and what determines that?’ While there is no good answer and either side will come up with their own answer I believe the best option was the ‘block’ button at least for now, and extensive evasion in situation where we may meet, though the other side of the coin and I rightly feel that I know enough about the person in question, would feel that my death is the best option. And in all honesty I do feel correct in my assumptions here. Though as to who is the bigger man? So far as I am concerned it is neither of us as one personality has a superiority complex as well as extensive issues relating to basic manners, in my opinion anyway. And I have chosen the avoidance option, however, that is of course after trying to deal with the issues in a polite manner. Sure, there are people that will never get along, yet nobody need be hostile, to do so is only a waste of effort. All conflicts are avoidable; I’ve been a firm believer in that for many years. As for my other mistakes, they’re all of a more general nature, nothing worth talking about really so I’ll just move on to the next topic then.
As far as things that are going right, well this is where things feel like that cool breeze after a hard work out on a blisteringly hot day. For one, I’ve managed to get my girlfriend a few perfect gifts for her Birthday/Valentine’s day, which I am actually quite proud of. While you needn’t know exactly what said gifts were, know that they were of a more thoughtful nature, and while not complete surprises to her they couldn’t have been more appreciated. Something else that is going right, at least potentially. I used to be a photography major in college, or at least was on that track, major or not I have more than enough skill to do what needs to be done in an artistic and professional manner. And considering I live in the Tokyo area now it makes perfect sense to attend the 12th Japan Fashion week as an International Photographer. Pictures will be posted here of course, I also plan on contacting a few newspapers to try and sell the fruits of my labor, and well hopefully I’ll be successful in that regard. In not I’ll simply gain a slight amount of experience in Fashion Photography over the two days that I’ll be able to attend Fashion week. Sure, I am spending a bit on equipment, new lens, monopod, quick release base for the monopod, and some lens filters, perhaps a new flash thrown in there, but it will increase the scope of what I’ll be able to do so far as my longer range photography is concerned. So for me, either way, being able to attend it or not it is a win/win. Or at least is according to where I stand, as much as I’d love both new equipment and being able to attend fashion week (I’m already registered as an official photographer) I’ll take either of those options any day of the week. Other things that are going right include my cooking and fitness. I've been experimenting with cooking, fish predominantly as it's cheap and i know how to cook it, at least for the basics. The experimenting comes form the side dishes I make. Week one that i cooked the side dish was Matsutake mushrooms and apples cooked in cider, which came out excellent. And just this Sunday the side dish was carrots and mushrooms cooked in white wine, with the same type of fish for the meat. In all honesty I'd love to share my cooking, yet i don't know anyone willing to try my cooking. I promise, I won't kill you. For having an under equipped kitchen set, and improvising my dishes and preparation utensils, I do have a great eye for ingredients and how to cook things, note that I do everything off the cuff, so if you want to try my cooking and don't mind a chef that experiments, and live in my dorm, let me know, i'll cook dinner for you.
I’ll close with this because I’d rather you not have to read more than about 1000 words for this post. Nobody is perfect, nothing goes flawlessly, and opinions are always wrong looking from the perspective of someone else. My suggestion is simple here, do what you feel is right, legal, and just, you’ve lived as you should, people can tell you how to live according to their views on right and wrong, but they aren’t you, nobody is you, none of you are me, and all of us are always wrong according to someone.
